Momo Monday: Thinking of Number Two (and other News)

Momo is one month old today. I can't believe it. Every day things start to make more sense. We "practiced" leaving the house a few times and it's a true lesson in anxiety management for me. I have to stop imagining germs attacking Momo's face every time we are in public. Leaving the house is as difficult as people say it is-- both emotionally and physically. And trying to nurse her in public with milk squirting all over the place is its own dance. But it's all about the small victories (like a smooth diaper change on the sink of a public bathroom) and learning our roles one step at a time. 

Noah and I have done lots of things we swore we would never do. Like let Momo sleep in the bed, with her arms stretched out like she owns the place. Let's face it, she does, and honestly, I keep thinking she might be our only one so might as well screw things up however we want. If it feels right, we're going with it, until we have to rethink things. 

The fact that she might be our only one fills me with gratitude and sadness at the same time. Many people on IF Island have to start thinking about how to expand their family right away-- like once their first baby is one month old. Many IF Islanders think about number two even before number one is born, because number one is often such a process. If you have frozen embryos, the game plan is more clear and it becomes just about timing. Which can be stressful as many Islanders end up with kids much closer together in age than they would have initially hoped for. If it took years to get P for number one, chances are there's some anxiety about the time it will take for number two. It's crazy to think we could spend a decade trying to build our family. If you don't have embryos, or are going through secondary infertility, the process can be quite time consuming and stressful. Thinking about the age + time + money+ eggs + the physical process of ART can be overwhelming. But for many people who want more children it's a necessary thing.

Noah and I always wanted two kids. Various people have been telling me that I'm "lucky to have one" and I very much agree. But that doesn't necessarily change the fact that we have always wanted two-- a sibling for Momo. And there is a potential sibling for Momo, her full genetic sib that is still on ice. While Noah and I always planned on going back for that embryo--actually, don't tell Noah but I actually planned to get P naturally because that kind of craziness sometimes happens, right? And then go back for the embryo as number three! But I'm afraid my body might not allow for any of it. My doc said that because of the placenta accreta I had and the damage form the D & C, my uterus is "all screwed up" (that was the medical term he used) and might be for a while. If things heal well, in a year or so I might be ready to try for to get P with the idea that I'd need a C-section/hysterectomy for the birth. It's too much too think about right now, but I admit that I do. Even with a beautiful one month old sleeping in my arms. I don't think that makes me ungrateful. It's just something I think about.

But what I think about more is Momo. I think about how she is outgrowing her newborn onesies and how we've cut the feet off of a few of her pajamas and it makes her look like Huckleberry Finn. I think about how her eyes seem to be taking in more information, and how everything she is doing and feeling right now is the first time she's doing and feeling whatever it is. I think about how one month ago I couldn't picture what she would be like, or look like, and now I can't imagine not having her. It's such a crazy feeling.

In other news, we won the Indiewire's project to the week for our documentary, One More Shot. 

Momo says YAY!!!

It was a really close race in the end, but IF Island rallied (and my dad's FaceBook friends) and we pulled ahead by about 50 votes. This gives us a phone meeting to discuss distribution options for the film and a shot at winning project of the month, which will give us a meeting with The Tribeca Film Institute. What that means to us is exposure, connections, and awareness-- that will help us get this movie to as many people as possible when it's released which will spread understanding about IF to the general public, which Noah and I feel is one of the main purposes of this documentary. So thanks to everyone who voted and for all the support. It seems like perfect timing as National Infertility Awareness Week kicks off today. I'll be writing some posts and posting video specific to RESOLVE'S NIAW theme this year, which is You Are Not Alone. 

Comments

[A Few Good Eggs]

Maya, congratulations! And Momo - SO CUTE! Look at those adorable rolls and the arms above the head in victory. What a sweetie. I feel the exact same way as you - already wondering if/when/how I might get pregnant again. Funny, I only ever wanted one, but now I think 2 or even 3. How dare I even consider the possibility....

But we can all hope and dream, can't we? How else do you survive the journeys we have all survived?

[Anita]

Maya, Momo is such a cutie! How do you deal with all that cuteness. :)))
And I've to agree she looks so much like Noah! She was meant to be yours..

[Mandy]

She was meant to be yours, she looks like you and noah - its funny how much she looks like your husband actually... i am so happy you had a happy ending and although my story remains incomplete, your victory makes me believe that i will have mine!

[JCS]

Maya, I have a friend who used a surrogate for her #2, so maybe that would be a possibility for you? I hate that you (and all of us who've dealt with IF) are having to worry about how/if we can have a second child. I still haven't had a first but I did an additional IVF cycle last month just to bank a few more embryos so that we might possibly have a shot at a second- crazy since we don't even have a first! I'm happy to report that we have 3 competent embryos in the freezer but, of course, that is just few enough to cause me anxiety about how this is all going to shake out. For now, I'm trying to relax until my next FET. If that doesn't work, then what? Sigh.

Love the pic of Momo- she's a super cutie! :)

[C]

I am so sorry you can't just innocently and blissfully enjoy your first without the concern of how/if you will have more…like so many people who struggle with infertility. I was blessed with a miraculous and (innocently) easy conception, pregnancy, birth, first years, before we discovered our, it turns out, impossible-to-overcome-wthout-donor-help infertility diagnosis. I am so thankful for those years of innocence which, with all my complaints about the lack of sympathy and particular difficulties of secondary infertility, is more than those with primary infertility had. A friend just jokingly posted on Facebook a letter from her oldest of three asking mom and dad for a baby sister, since she has two brothers. Ha ha…ha? Actually not at all funny for me. Things like that are not so light in our family because the blessing of natural family building is not part of our story. I think of the sadness experienced throughout history, such as WWII when so many men's lives were lost before they had children, and the great sadness of it, but it was a publicly supported sadness, whereas infertility really is an island, as you say. It's terrible that you may not be able to carry another after all you've been through - but don't write the last chapter! - and it always hurts when people say that at least you have one, because they aren't acknowledging your loss. I still try to give thanks for the "little" I have in our blessing of our (only for now) child. It's more than some people have. Anyway, it seems having two is what everyone does. How boring! There is a lot to be said for having an only child. It's why we have taken so much time between failed IVFs - we were ambivalent and for a while we would be happy with our family of three and accepting of having just one child, but the desire was always back again, so that's why we have moved on to embryo donation. I hope you can just relax and enjoy as if you didn't have to worry about the future

[Mel]

I rallied my people and Facebook friends and looks like this time, my network reacted better. They voted from around the world ! And this time, they told me they did ! So happy we won this. It is much needed exposure ! I will be there for the project of the month ! Momo is very Mimi (which means very very cute in French). Big hugs !

[Silvia]

She is so cute!!

[Lisa]

What a great pic!! Congrats on winning the documentary of the week, too.

[Karre]

I was so hoping for a picture today and you did not disappoint, she's really adorable. I wanted to comment on why people say you should be grateful you have one... Really? Like you and your husband aren't the most grateful people to have gone through so much to have her. Wanting to have another baby doesn't mean you aren't grateful it just means when you two got married you had an idea on what you wanted your family to look like. You two moved mountains to have one but it shouldn't discourage you to want or dream of having another. People don't understand your dreams and desires and it's not their place to comment. Tell them to suck it.

[Lauren]

Momo is so adorable! Happy to hear that things get a little bit easier every day - I have spent so long trying to get pregnant and it is really scary to think about what will happen when there is (hopefully) an actual baby to take care of :)

Infertility really does change the discussion about number 2 (or 3) - I am still trying for number one and number two is already on my mind! It is overwhelming to think about going through all of this again so I think I need to put that in "think about it (much) later" bucket for now. And congrats on the documentary win - do you have a rough idea of release timeline yet? I cannot wait to see it!

[Jojo]

She is just so beautiful. I am sorry to hear about issues with your uterus-- of course you are so very fortunate for Momo but you should be able to have as many kids as you want. I am trying for number two now and I have a heart filled with gratitude and a better perspective but that doesn't lessen the desire. Yay for the documentary win!