Since Momo was born I feel like I'm always in a rush and time is moving so quickly. It's the exact opposite of how I felt during the dark infertility years. Time on IF Island stands still as you wait to start a cycle, slug through a cycle, wait for your first beta, second beta-- then either start the madness all over again or take a hiatus to heal, or hopefully wait for a heartbeat. It's all so long and drawn out and I remember just wishing the days would move faster so we could move forward. Or sideways...whatever. I just wanted to move.
Now I can't believe a month has almost flown by. Every day I'm playing catch up and scarfing down food when I can and wondering how it got to be 5pm so soon. Sometimes I feel panic that I'm going to regret not taking her in more-- but that's kind of all I do. It's just that there isn't enough time in the day for idiotic staring and organizing the house so we aren't living in complete chaos.
It's kind of this ebb and flow between total tranquility and total insanity. I try desperately hard to keep up and still make dinner etc., but there are times when Momo and I are both starving, covered in milk with no clean clothes that fit. And that's ok. Nothing I think I need to do in the day gets done and when I finally feel like I've got a handle on the day, something... messy happens, and I'm learning to be in the mess and embrace it. It's much more pleasant to be wrist deep in yellow baby poop than to be crossing off the days on an IVF schedule calendar. I'm so grateful for every messy poop.
The other night Noah and I had our first moment of feeling like we got the hang of things. We gave Momo a little bath and wrapped her in her chicken towel (a little white hooded towel with a chicken face on the hood) and we were basking in the success of having a clean baby and then all of a sudden there was a rumble from down under and then a poosplosion. Momo shit the chicken. It was a hot mess and we had to start all over again and add a load of laundry to the to-do list.
And that's life right? No matter where you are. Just when you think things are making sense or feeling calm, there's a disruption. Patiently wading through the crap of ART will hopefully soon lead to wading through actual crap.
Sending lots of love and patience.
Ha - I find that the bath does wonders for getting our little one to poop. It is these adventures that we have to treasure!
Posted by: A Few Good Eggs | April 17, 2015 at 09:43 AM
Hey, as long as your elbow deep in messy yellow poop and not green, you're doing it right!
Posted by: Corynn | April 16, 2015 at 09:04 AM
I'm so happy for you that you are there. You are experiencing the shit (literally) that you've read about, or heard about from friends, or maybe even surprised about. I cannot wait to experience the unknown, the horror stories, the sleepless nights (haha). I'm ready to experience it all. And when I read posts about people complaining about this and that about parenthood, a little part of me wants to shout, "I WOULD KILL FOR THOSE MOMENTS" but I don't. I know parenthood is hard, even when you've asked the heavens for it. I'm genuinely happy for you, and love reading you posts. Hopefully one day soon, I will be there doing loads of crappy laundry with you. I go in for my 2nd egg retrieval next week!
Posted by: Blake | April 15, 2015 at 08:50 PM
Haha - I was really wondering what was going to happen in this post when I first read the title. I never thought I would say this, but I guess I will keep wading through the crap of infertility and hoping for real crap soon!!
Posted by: Lauren||everylittlemoment.com | April 15, 2015 at 03:57 PM