Momo Thinks Naps are For Suckers

Forgive me if this is only mildly coherent. I haven't slept since...what month are we in?

So I'm completely obsessed with Momo's sleep. Mainly because all of a sudden she has decided naps are for suckers. This could be developmental. It's could be a phase. It could be that she's too interested in her senses all working now that she doesn't want to sleep. But it also could be that she is over tired. And her being overtired makes me feel awful.

I've been reading and re-reading all the early parenting books that I can-- Happiest Baby On the Block, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, The Wonder Weeks-- and feel like I'm running in circles. The bottom line is that during the day Momo doesn't sleep well and then she is so overtired that she cries the saddest most frustrated cry ever and it makes me feel like I'm failing her. It makes me angry at myself that I didn't put her down for a nap five minutes earlier, before she became overtired. Sometimes it makes me cry the saddest most frustrated cry ever. 

I keep trying to tell myself that she is young. Eight weeks now. And that I am new at all this. But the moment to moment day to day experience of trying to figure all this out can be so overwhelming-- my sense of self seems dependent on whether or not Momo takes several good naps in a day. It sounds ridiculous to write that sentence. She's young, she'll be fine. I should relax and just enjoy her. Maybe I'm projecting my own desperate need for sleep onto her. Maybe I just need to be patient. 

I'm doing the best that I can right now. And that's all I can do. That's what I told myself all through IF treatments. That's what I reminded myself of all through my pregnancy. During birth I was just thinking OMG let this be over-- but I'm back to trying to convince myself that I'm doing my best and that's okay. That I'm going to make a hot mess out of some things some times and that whatever challenge we are dealing with won't be this way forever. One day Momo will be a teenager, sleeping too much and I'll be dragging her out of bed, remembering the time when I was tearing my hair out over her naps. It helps to sometimes pull back the lens on life and see the bigger picture. When we are in a tough spot, the focal point seems to narrow and nothing else matters but the situation we are facing. But if we can pull back for a moment and take a breath-- take a glance at the whole scene, we might have a different perspective. 

I might be able to see that a few days of crappy sleep isn't going to kill anyone (I hope). This time period will end and another equally stressful one will take its place. So all I can do is just be with whatever is, flow with it and tell myself I'm doing the best I can. 

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

OMG Jaime-- we are IF Island sisters. Can't believe we even have the same baby bday! Congrats and thanks for following ;) Lesley-- thanks for this. It's a really good suggestion. Momo is gassy and likes pressure on her tummy so maybe belly down for naps is a good idea. But then I'm going to be sitting there staring at her because I'm so paranoid...but at least she will sleep. I kind of decided I'm going to do what I know works, which is wear her. Mwp-- thanks for sharing--nice to know it won't always be like this and eventually people in my house will sleep. Linda-- I envy mama's who are good nappers. I guess I am like Momo-- my mom said I never napped as a baby and now if she naps I'm organizing hand- me-down footie pajamas. Is that what you call them? PJ's with feet? Anyway. Thanks for all the advice ladies.

[Jaime Brousse]

Girl. I am right there with you. Infant-induced insomnia! :-) Have been reading the blog forever, it really got me through some of the toughest times (3+ years unexplained). Really. It was like reading a way more eloquent, well thought out version of my own journal or something. Then we both got pregnant at the same time (I did IVF) and may have even delivered the same day (3/20?) and I just love having had someone else to go through this journey with, besides my husband, who can validate those feelings and who UNDERSTANDS. Thank you.
Also, read On Becoming Babywise. It helped me a lot with the napping, like instantaneously. XOXO

[Lesley R]

I so feel your pain 😕. No matter how exhausted I was, I could never sleep when my son slept - so much to do (eat, use the bathroom, clean bottles, feed the dog, etc) that I would just get settles & he'd be up crying again. I'm not that far out of the woods yet (he is 19 weeks), but a couple of things helped me in the impossibly hard early days. Around 2 months, I started letting him nap on his belly (while supervised) and he went from 15 minute 'naps' to 45-90 mins at a time twice a day! I also stopped reading anything related to baby sleep. I distinctly remember panicking to my husband about how we weren't properly using white noise, swaddling, or letting him cry long enough. Ugh.

As my friends reminded me over and over, it is perfectly OK to feel crazy at this point. You're almost through the most difficult part!

[Mwp]

These are the hardest weeks!! They really really are!! My twin boys would take 45 min naps if we were lucky and I was all worried about getting them on a nap schedule! They clearly weren't ready yet. Best advice my sister gave me is to limit the amount of reading/googling to once a day. Otherwise you drive yourself crazy. I sure did :) My boys just turned one and they're on a nice two-nap schedule with 7:30 bedtime and sleeping through the night. This too shall pass. In the mean time, you're doing the best you can!! I promise it gets better.

[Linda]

The best advice I ever got was that, the moment the baby goes to sleep, Mom lies down for a nap! You sleep when baby sleeps. There's still disrupted sleep but, with the naps, the exhaustion doesn't get as overwhelming.

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thank you all so much for you support and ideas. I think there is an added layer of guilt having worked so hard to finally get here and then feeling delirious and out of ideas of what to do to help the poor baby close her eyes and just go to sleep. WHY DOESN"T SHE WANT TO SLEEP!!??? I do!!! She isn't a fan of the swing and lasts about three minutes in the stroller-- I find myself holding her and pushing the dumb thing down the street. Then I go to the store and fill it with groceries. Today was rough-- well the first half of the day was fine. She woke up at 11, no joke, then slept in the baby k'tan on me from 1:20pm-3:45pm. But that is it! It's 9:26pm and she is still awake!! I agree that the healthy sleep book has some ideas but a) they aren't enforceable and b) who is letting their kid cry for 2.5 hours? ugh. wish me luck y'all. Crying baby calling.

[Jess]

It sounds like everyone has given you some great thoughts. All I can say is every baby is different and some just don't like to nap or have a really difficult time settling. With my twins I have one who goes to sleep easily but will not stay asleep and another who screams like a banshee(sp?) every single time she has to go to sleep but then can go for longer periods of time. I will say that books and others can give good tips but sometimes none of it works and you just trudge on through it the best you can. Having two babies at the same time responding so differently to sleep tips just proves to me how individual each situation is. Without a doubt weeks 6-11 were the most difficult. After that, it gets incrementally better in regards to sleep and everything! Sending you tons of hugs.

[Jojo]

Ugh it's a hard phase. I agree with others. Ditch the books and snuggle or breast feed that little one to sleep. The rock n play fisher price thing is a miracle worker but for me more around three months. He pretty much slept on my chest with me half lying down on the couch for the first two months and here he is at 1yr sleeping in his crib from 5pm (!!!) until 6am every night. Just do what keeps you sane and gets you through this. Also this is going to sound weird but it helped me to just say gently ' I know being a baby is hard' because it seems to calm me down more than him and take me out of my own frustration. Xo

[C]

You poor thing. Maybe ditch the books and follow your instinct? Stop with the mother guilt? It's a disease to be fought constantly! I don't remember naps at 8weeks! Of course that was over six years ago. I remember nights were easy compared to my friends because we coslept and I hardly woke to breastfeed, just had to remember to roll her back between me and wall (not safe between parents, dads don't have those hormones that let them sense baby). Aren't children a lot of work? That's why it's an absolute sin that conceiving them has to be so much work. It's supposed to be a pleasure! Infertility is a dread disease

[Rebecca]

It's so hard. So hard. I actually threw the Healthy Sleep Habits book across the room because it talked about letting your child cry for 2.5 hours at 8 weeks, and that made me sick to my stomach. I would die doing that. Die.

Things to maybe try: a really good swing (Fisher Price cradle-n-swing saved us, my daughter is napping in it right now!) and a yoga ball. Those have been helpful for us. Also a moby wrap. And a hair dryer, on full blast (real or an app on your phone). You really can't blast that noise too much.

It is so hard when you just want them to be happy. But you will find your groove and she will learn how to sleep, and everything will be ok!

[Elizabeth]

Newborns are so tricky! If I could go back in time I would tell myself to throw out all the sleep books and just pay attention to my baby. I did sometimes, and those are the memories I cherish - sitting in the rocker holding him or carrying him in the wrap while he slept. I wish I had done that all the time and forgotten about trying to lay him down - no matter how desperate I was for a few minutes to myself. Good luck to you!

[Corynn]

This stage (0-3 months) is so hard. I 100% know what you are going through. I was incredibly overwhelmed about every little decision I had to make (why are there SO many?!?!) and it always seemed like no matter what, I was wrong. Now that I'm a little beyond it (7 1/2 months), I look back on this time - obviously I can't wish I had gone through it with the knowledge/confidence I have today because that's unrealistic but if/when I do it again...I will try to remind myself that this stage is actually blissful in a sense because it's the "do WHATEVER works" stage! Don't worry about training and the repercussions and doing things the right way. You are the mommy and what you believe in your heart to be the right thing, is the right thing!!! Nurse her to sleep and then hold her for 2 hours if you want! I did these things, mind you with crippling self-doubt and anxiety but guess what? We came out the other side and my baby is amazing! I wish I had known at the time that everything will be ok and 8 weeks is so so young and whatever you do is fine. Really! Good luck and trust yourself (it also kind of helps to stop reading books altogether).