You Just Never Know

Today is my sister's due date. Actually, maybe it's tomorrow. This is not what anyone reading an infertility blog wants to read about, but hear me out. 

Over the summer of 2013, my sister donated eggs  to us. She is three years my junior and all her numbers looked good. Donating eggs isn't like her letting me borrow a pair of jeans-- even her best pair. It's a big deal and has significant implications for any family and any child conceived in this way. My parents had some concerns about the whole thing, but Noah and I were just so grateful. We knew our child would be our child, and we knew we would have some 'splaining to do about that child having cousins who were also essentially their half-sibling-- is that right? Yeah, that's right. See, I'm confusing myself. Noah and I knew this would be a beautiful thing, an incredible gift, and we were devastated when it didn't work. Devastated for us, but also concerned for my sister. She had never been pregnant and our RE freaked her out. The whole cycle was kind of a disaster. 

Our RE suggested she freeze her eggs, as she wasn't planning on having kids any time soon. He told her about all the red flags he saw and said she could have whatever I have that caused my DOR (wish I knew what that was). I was really upset by this, but my sister didn't let on like she was very upset. I told her she should freeze her eggs and tried to think of ways we could help her pay for it. I wouldn't wish my experience on IF Island on anyone, especially my sister. But my sis just keep on living her life. She decided she wouldn't do IVF because she felt awful on the meds ,and just didn't let the information she got phase her. 

Flash forward two years. She's married. She's ready to start a family. And by golly she does. With no issue. Though Noah's first response when we found out she was P was, "Oh now her eggs decide to work," I was so relieved that her eggs worked. There was nothing, is nothing wrong with her fertility. She has had a fabulously healthy pregnancy and looks like she's about read to pop any second.

I guess my point here is that doctors aren't always right. The body changes. Every cycle each month is different. And I think that's really hopefully for anyone who has been told information that scares them. This is not to say to just keep trying naturally and ignore what doctors say, I'm just saying that the body and mind change and things that seemed impossible or unlikely may not always be so. You just never know. 

Comments

[Jack Mask]

You Just Never Know
Egg donation was never a bad choice for anyone. It always helps the one in need. I am happy that your sister did that and it didn’t cause her any problem in future. You just never know what will happen in future. Be an optimist. Thanks for sharing.

Friday Film Clip: Pursuing Single Motherhood
A great step by the lady who had almost been through the worst phase of her life but was still quite confident and passionate about her desire to be a mother no matter she has to go through some difficulties and she couldn’t be a biological one but still can be like a real one by getting donor eggs and donor sperms. Congratulations to you Jasmine. Well done.
Teaching Our Friends and Families How to Talk About Donor Conception
Never feel shy or embarrassed for not being a genetic or biological parent of a child. Instead raise that child up in such a way that the world appraises you for the upbringing of that child. That will be the moment for you that you will be a proud parent and that time no one will talk about that you are genetically parent of that child or not. It’s always about how you raise up a child, because at last that is what reflects and not being a biological parent.

Feeling Okay to be Different
The way you handled the conversation with the lady predicting gender was superb. I appreciate the way you controlled your emotions and kept so polite and humble every time you face such kind of situations. Keep it up lady. You appear to be a motivator to those who face these situations in life and loose hope; they should go through you once.
The evolution of weird to different to interesting to amazing
This was a great post as you said it interesting and amazing even when it is quite painful and dangerous. As you only failed in your first attempt of VF cycle you still called it amazing is nice to hear from you and appreciable as you bear strong optimist behaviour that can be an inspiration to others.

The Language of Donor Conception
Though the word ‘donor’ creates a strange impression in others mind but do you think it is strange? No, its not instead it is one of the best thing that has helped you guys out to be the reason for you biggest happiness it has helped you out to make a family a baby, it has helped you to complete your family. What others think should not bother you at all; people who do not face such situations can not understand it, people who know it will never be among the strange ones.

[Egg Donor]

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[Emma]

I am happy for your sister had no problem in conceiving naturally. You never know what will happen in future.Thanks for sharing.

[A Few Good Eggs]

We were told we would "never" have children using my own eggs. I was handed a donor egg pamphlet on my first visit to CCRM. I've since been pregnant twice and have a beautiful, living baby to show for it. You never know. So very happy for your sister that things worked out well for her.

[C]

Lauren, we did your "experiment". We have severe male factor infertility for which IVF is the only possible remedy. There is nothing wrong with my fertility. In fact we somehow got pregnant on the first try with our only child! But it turns out that although my mother had very late menopause and children in her 40's, I respond terribly to IVF. I believe I have good fertility for getting pregnant the natural way but for IVF my ovaries did not do well at all. Doctors don't know everything, like Maya said. THey can only try to predict based on blood tests and age. Fertility, especially female fertility, is so complicated.

[Mel]

Hi Maya!

Your post rings so true for me. I think I've posted on your blog before, my hubby and I decided to give up IVF last year after 8 years of TTC and 6 very unsuccessful stimulated IVF cycles. Multiple IVF doctors told me my only option was donor eggs. Fast forward a year, after deciding to give up on IVF, I am surprisingly pregnant. Naturally. We are completely shocked, extremely happy, and very cautious. I am now 10 weeks and everything seems to be progressing well, but after the last 8 years, am excited but guarded. I guess I'm one of those people that I used to hate hearing about when I was in the midst of IVF-hell. But I just wanted to reiterate your words, that "you just never know".

Mel

[Lauren]

I've always wondered about this - how would women who don't actually need IF treatment respond to the treatment? Maybe some women just don't respond well to the medications or their embryos don't grow well in culture, but normally they are perfectly fertile. Of course this would be a terrible, expensive experiment, so we will never really know the answer to that question. I am happy to hear that your sister had no trouble conceiving naturally - she must have been terrified after her experience (and watching your experience) with the whole IF world.