Fear is worse than the reality--we are all tougher than we think!

On Wednesday, Momo and I hopped on a plane and flew up North to see my sis who delivered her baby boy. I nearly died just driving 20 minutes to baby group the other day, so the idea of getting on an airplane with Momo alone made my head spin. But we survived! Momo did great. And I was once again reminded of something I learned during my stay on IF Island. The fear of something is often worse than the reality of it.

I had intense fear of doing IVF. Like sick to my stomach fear. I was that kid in the doctor's office who was crawling under the table when the doc brought out a shot. At 16. Yeah. I don't have that condition where I pass out at the sight of needles, which some people have, but I don't do well. So the thought of getting multiple shots a day in various body parts was... horrifying. As was everything else about the process. I thought the shots were going to make me cry every time. I thought if I had one more disappointing cycle, one more BFN, I would never recover. I thought I wouldn't be able to handle any of it, physically or emotionally. But I did. Multiple times. And while it wasn't fun. At all. It was manageable. And I found that that one of the hardest parts was the fear of it-- of not knowing what to expect or not knowing how badly it was all going to hurt. 

Flash forward several years and I'm getting on an airplane with a 10 week old miracle baby strapped to my chest, her birth certificate in my pocket, proof that she's mine.  When I was expressing my anxieties to Noah the day before the flight he looked at me and almost laughed-- "You'll be fine." He said, convincingly.

Getting through, living through IF treatments and the lifestyle that comes with it makes a gal tough.  Maybe a little hardened. Maybe a tad rough around the edges-- I'm still working on that piece. But the feeling that I can do anything, get through any challenging moment comes directly from the experiences I've had on IF Island. Perhaps a positive unintended consequence.

So for anyone still stranded, though it sucks (and it really sucks), always remember that not only will you get through but you'll get through and be stronger for it. 

Sending much love to everyone. 

Comments

[Maryann]

Thank you Maya for this reminder. After 3 failed iuis, failed ivf, 2 miscarriages I am terrified. I feel that even a chance to have a baby is a true miracle not given to everyone and this makes me so sad. That's all I ever wanted and now I am facing the truth that my body doesn't react well to the drugs and number of quality eggs is low so I stopped counting them!
We are faced with choices which hopefully be embryo donation or adoption. Every day I am reading and researching and praying for this to end. I am stronger now than ever but my heart is broken.

[Lisa]

So glad the flight went okay!

[Brenda]

Thanks Maya for this one. Still stranded, still scared of the unknown, but it's true I do feel stronger and a little rougher. Cry less or not at all at the onset of a failed month. Try to remain focused on the bigger picture. Fear creeps back in and I just have to keep telling myself it'll all be over at some point. Thanks for the reminder.