Not me. Well. Kind of. I'm always thinking about when to go back for that second embryo--how it will all play out, if it will work etc. but I'm not there yet. I'm still just trying to figure out naps. Momo is trying to figure out how to jam both of her fists into her mouths, and yesterday she laughed, like a full on belly laugh, for the first time and it was confirmation that all the years of infertility was so worth it. Just to hear her laugh.
But I have a friend who was on IF Island for a few years before her baby was born and now that he's almost 6 months old, she's having to start thinking about IVF again. She's always wanted two kids and her window (age window, that is) for using her own eggs is... basically she feels like she has to get moving.
We were talking about this the other day-- she's worried about wanting to continue to nurse her baby but also worried about how long #2 might take. These are perhaps very specific concerns for people on IF Island, even when you get off the Island. What's the right thing to do? I don't think she would have planned or hoped for kids so close together but time is never on our side.
I'm not sure what she's going to do. I'm not sure what we're going to do. I don't want to spend a decade trying to build a family, but that might be exactly what happens.
Anyone else have to think about family planning in this way?
in my mind I wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible with #2 but I also wanted to breastfeed my son until at least he turns one. That's what I did I stopped a week or two after his first birthday , but decided to take the next month off ( that was December ) and star fresh in the new year! We had 3 embryos left from out first IVF cycle and decided to try with two of the three because that's what we did with our first and only one took. So long story short, we were lucky to get pregnant with the first FET and now have a very healthy and happy 9 month old baby girl! I can't say that it wasn't hard having a 2 year old and a newborn, but it's getting easier :) Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Posted by: Tsveti | July 15, 2015 at 01:57 PM
I think about it all the time, even though B is only 6 months old. I (not so) secretly hope for an accidental pregnancy, but wonder if I have the stomach for IVF, etc. We'll see... but it is definitely something I think about a few times each week.
Posted by: A Few Good Eggs | July 14, 2015 at 12:33 PM
The stress of a newborn has hubby thinking 1 kid and a dog, but I'm already wondering about #2 also. Crazy, right? Even crazier given I almost delivered #1 prematurely, and spent most of the 3rd tri breaking bedrest with runs to and from the hospital. Drs dont know why this happened, but it probably has to do with a slightly weak cervix, and the recommendation is to wait 18 mos before another pregnancy. But, like everyone else, I hear my clock ticking. Not being able to get pregnant is awful, but I wonder if delivering a baby (conceived via ART) before viability is worse. Or having a baby at 25 or 26 weeks, when they may live, but are likely to be severely disabled?
Posted by: WBC | July 08, 2015 at 03:41 PM
We had this very conversation yesterday! Our little guy is just 6 weeks, but it took us 8 years to get him and age is not on our side. We are pretty sure that the strain of parents going through IVF will have a negative effect on him. And they say it takes 9 months to have a child and 9 months for the body to recover. So we agreed to wait until the 9 months are up and then have a chat with our fertility doctor.
Posted by: Ellie | July 06, 2015 at 07:57 AM
Im 34 weeks pregnant with our son (from my sister's donor eggs) and my husband and I have discussed when to go back for # 2. We have 3 frozen embryos from my sister's donated eggs. I only want to try this one more time but don't want to leave any embryos behind so our thoughts are that in 2 years we will thaw all three embryos and transfer the ones that thaw correctly and whatever happens, happens. Hopefully we get pregnant with 1 or 2 so we end up with 2 or 3 kids after all this is over.
Posted by: Lindsay Monnier | July 03, 2015 at 03:28 PM
Thanks to everyone for sharing. This issue is really specific to us Islander but bring it on indeed! Umm... not for me yet. I can't fathom diving back in, but I know I'll muster soon and try for the last embryo, Momo's full genetic sib!
Posted by: Don't Count Your Eggs | July 02, 2015 at 11:56 AM
Dear Maya and all, from my perspective, when to start trying #2 is a good problem to have, if I may say. My husband and I wanted children, more than one. An IVF cycle last September gave us a wonderful daughter, our first, an uncomplicated pregnancy into 35 weeks (plenty of time to dream about how and when to #2), and then a sudden, abrupt and severe pre-eclampsia, the HELLP type, almost out of the blue. Pre-eclampsia has for risk factors IVF and Advanced maternal age. Even if doctors in our advanced societies are probably in control most of the time, HELLP felt a lot like mother's life was hanging on a string on three occasions (daughter remained very fine during the ordeal due to prompt intervention). Considering the recurrence risk, and with the harrowing fear that I could very well have never met my wonderful daughter, I went through a total reversal of my desire to have a second child, from overwhelming to an absolute no-no. As much as I am totally fulfilled with the existence of my daughter, I feel a little odd and sad now that this choice is removed from me, as I am sure, people still waiting for their #1 would still feel the pinch of envy for not having attained a first-born. I wish you all good luck in the pursuits of your families. With the blessing that you might already have and the blessings that you might earn forward.
Posted by: M | July 02, 2015 at 08:59 AM
We started trying for our second baby when my son was 10 months old. After 4 failed cycles, two natural miscarriages, and over a year later, we turned to donor eggs and are 8 weeks pregnant with our second! I have DOR and while my hormone levels were not that much worse after 1 1/2 years, I responded much worse to the stimulation drugs. Deciding to move to 3rd party reproduction and when to do it was a difficult decision. But, we are confident this is the right choice for our family.
Posted by: Cherise | July 01, 2015 at 12:49 PM
YES!! We were really lucky, though, in that IVF #1 worked & Son #1 was the result. We only had 3 embryos in cryostorage, though (despite producing a ton of eggs in a mild hyperstimulation situation, we only had 5 embryos to work with - 2 were transferred for IVF #1). Son #1 stopped nursing (whole saga in itself) & we decided to do a FET because "it probably wouldn't work and then we could move on to an IVF cycle, which takes time & $." Thawed all the remaining embryos, one went to blastocyst, 1 was like 6 cells & looked terrible, and the other didn't make it at all. Transferred both embryos & voila - Son #2 was born...and then we had 2 babies 19 months apart. It was on the one hand a complete blessing and on the other hand what the heck were we thinking???
Posted by: yasmara | June 30, 2015 at 11:38 AM
Yes, definitely! I had to stop nursing early so we could jump on the wagon again. Did our first FET when baby was only 9 months old...and then it took 6 more transfers plus another surgery to conceive baby #2. We were glad we started sooner rather than later.
Posted by: J | June 30, 2015 at 09:41 AM
Yup... I can't believe that I'm thinking about going back to it all again. I haven't checked in on your blog for awhile (turns out this motherhood thing doesn't allow for much reading time, except for during odd morning hours), and it kind of blew me away that this is the topic of your most recent post! My little guy is just 6 months old. We have a frozen embryo waiting for us and because of my husband's age, we kind of need to give it a go again soon. We've started discussing attempting it all again in the fall, which means making an appointment in the next month or so. To make things even more exciting, our clinic just closed, so we get to worry about transferring our embryo to a new clinic, and then getting started with new people ~ on top of just the regular anxieties that come with an IVF cycle.. Not to mention trying to continue breastfeeding and still figuring out how to be a (good) Mom to my sweet baby boy!!! It's a bit overwhelming at times, but, as with all things ART, bring it on!!
Posted by: Jayne | June 30, 2015 at 03:44 AM