You Can't Spoil a Newborn, Right?

Before Momo was an actual person, there were a lot of things I said I would never do. Or things I wanted to specifically do so that Momo could be a flexible, easy going babe. I wanted her to get used to being around noise and light and learn to sleep anywhere. I wanted her to learn to soothe herself and not need to be nursed to sleep all the time. I didn't want her (or more like Noah didn't want her) sleeping in our bed. Well... let's just say I really hope that it's true that you can't spoil a newborn because Momo is sprawled out in our king size bed and Noah and I are shuffling around a dark house, whispering. Wait, is Momo still a newborn? Ugh.

I've created a lot of... undesirable habits in the past few weeks since traveling, and part of it is because I'm just tired. It's easier to nurse her to sleep rather than "put her down awake so she learns to put herself to sleep," as my baby group instructor says. Yeah. Right. That creates chaos, and by 7pm I don't have it in me to invite chaos. It also doesn't help that we live in a loft with no walls and Momo has been in a bassinet in our room and I just assumed we'd figure something out. What we've figured out is that we need a room for her.   Noah and I talked about building a room for her before she was born but I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to jinx it. I couldn't imagine building a nursery until I could count fingers and toes. Now we thankfully have fingers and toes and construction starts this week. 

It's going to be a hot mess. Our schedule. Our home. Our NAPS!!!! So I'm just going to have to roll with it. I'll give myself another three weeks to just do whatever makes my life the easiest, and then I'll have my work cut out for me when it comes to getting somewhat organized.

I've been really aware of the extreme drive I have to make sure Momo is happy and has every need met. I try to remind myself that babies cry-- it's how they communicate, but I find myself anticipating Momo's needs and wants before she can get upset about anything. I wonder if I would be this way regardless of the journey it took to get her here. I wonder if I would be so worried about a secure attachment if she were genetically mine. I'll never know I guess. But probably. I don't ever think about genetics really. I just think about her happiness. 

What I do know is I have a lot riding on this room for Momo. It solidifies that she is here, for good, and I can start teaching her to embrace her space and her independence.

In three weeks. For now, I'll keep spoiling. 

Comments

[Melanie]

My 20 month old has just started to fall asleep on his own without being nursed. It has been a painless process because I felt we were both ready. You have plenty of time to settle into routines and develop independence so do what feels right for your own little family and don't beat yourself up about any of it.

[Sarah]

We are in the exact same place, just a few months older. I seriously could have written this post. I wonder the same, if I am so overly attentive and ready to meet her every need because of what we went through to get her or because I didn't carry her myself, but then I talk to other moms who seem to feel the same way regardless of how they got their baby. I am working hard on letting her cry a little here and there even though I want to do anything to make it stop, though as we head toward the 6 month mark I am getting more nervous about her learning to self soothe. Thanks for sharing your work on this, you always help me feel like I'm more normal (or we are equally neurotic?)!