« Back To Work | Main | All or Nothing »

July 22, 2015


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks for all the comments and support ladies! I am too hard on myself. And I hear ya found and clear on the anxiety, Jess. I started doing yoga again today-- for the first time in a long time. It helped. I think whether on IF Island or in a role of new mom after years on IF Island self care is key! Hope everyone is doing well and taking good care of themselves. Sending love. M


I hope you don't mind my suggesting this, but when I read your comment about obsessively checking the A/C vents (too hot/too cold/too hot/repeat!), it really hit home. I didn't even know it was a "thing," but I'm fairly certain I developed postpartum anxiety with my now 10 month old. I think the nature of the infertility beast is to over-research, plan and analyze (and worry about) everything - and that carried over into the early days with the little guy. I still feel it sometimes. I was on high alert looking out for postpartum depression signs (both of my sisters had it), but did not see the anxiety coming! Anyway, just sharing that in case it helps identify how you are feeling. And for what it's worth, it got a tiny bit easier as I've settled into being a more confident mamabear and started trusting the universe again. :)


I had to comment... Your post here and about Momo's sleep are so exactly what I experienced with my first baby. It was hard to overcome my drive to ensure that my baby was perfectly safe and comfortable and never overtired! What helped a little was to realize that despite baby books and their words of doom, and friends with kids with seemingly insurmountable sleep issues, babies are quite flexible. You and your husband are really switched-on and aware of Momo's personality and needs. You will be able to manage well and have already survived 4 months of cat naps! My first started sleeping longer at 5 months, like an hour at a time. It gets easier and even more fun!


I agree about the painful loss of innocence that is infertility. I was so confident a mother because all had gone so well for me, pregnancy, birth, etc. I don't know if I would have done so well had I struggled like we have for nearly five years now. I would at least have worried more. How different things are now than before for us. Before, we said, let's start a family! Then I FORGOT ABOUT IT, my period was a week late, and I didn't even realize it until one evening I felt very tired and my husband said, maybe you're pregnant! We were pregnant on the first try. Our miracle first child, never to be repeated, until, thank God in Heaven, we got our first ever positive after an embryo transfer this week!!! Thanks to embryo donation! Comparing these two experiences is like night and day. I can't believe I've lived them both.


In case you are wondering, your experience is exactly how mine was with my first (non-IVF) baby. So much worrying!! Don't worry, you'll be able to relax more with time.


I think one of the deepest scars left from spending time on IF Island is the loss of innocence. We are so painfully aware of all the things that can go wrong- and that can extend into pregnancy and parenting, once we get there. Our children are just that much more precious, and we've already been conditioned to obsess over every little thing, because back on the island, that might have been the thing that made a difference between a BFN vs P. As someone who studies child development though, I can tell you it's never just one thing (except in the rare catastrophe- and don't dwell on this!). It's your lifetime of interactions with Momo that will make the difference. So try to let go and return to that blissfully ignorant place that was pre-IF. I know it's hard, and I struggle with this myself, but you are doing great, and you will continue to do so because your heart is in the right place.


Please don't be hard on yourself....no need....life's got that covered! You can only do the best you can do in that moment.....whatever that moment is. Your best is good enough.....it's the BEST you can do!! I mean.....I'm not a mum, not yet......not in real life. I am one in my head.......I have been parenting an imaginary baby, or vicariously through others, for years. And I know when I finally have my own I will be the same.....obsessing and stressing and fretting and worrying and.......what a waste. Because amidst all that I will be doing the best I can, at that moment. And I can't ask for anything better than the best.

I think the reason you're so hard on yourself is because you went through so much to get her. That you went through hell and fire, over broken glass, through a field of land mines........and now that you're out of the war zone, and you've got the prize.......you're terrified you're doing it all wrong. But you're not. You're doing it all right. You're doing alright. You're doing right. By her.....just not right by yourself. :)

Sorry....hope I'm not coming across preachy. But I just think you need to cut yourself some, no a LOT of, slack and stop second guessing everything you do. You're doing fine. She's thriving........that's your proof! If she's eating and drinking and sleeping and pooping and laughing and making you guys smile wider than you ever thought possible? She's doing fine. Which means you are too.

Love this blog. It's one of my lifelines while I'm still on IF island. (I hate this place......I can't wait to see the back of it!)


Jess b

You are too hard on yourself!!! Try to relax and enjoy the ride! So long as Momo is loved and cared for it does not need to be perfect and probably often times won't be - that's life with kids! You are a wonderful mother doing a fabulous job raising a great baby!!! Cheers to that and don't worry about the rest.


I am trying to figure the right thing myself. While waiting for donated embryos and after saying good bye to our genetics I struggle to contain the emotions if this is it for us and if this will bring baby to us.
You are wonderful Mom Maya and your blog brings suffered soul like mine peace and hope so much needed hope.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Click here to VOTE for the blog!
My Photo

Photo Albums

Check Out Baby Quest Foundation!