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September 30, 2015


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Hi, I've been TTC since April 2009 and it looks like it's going to be through embryo donation, but I'm worried about my child as a teenager having identity issues because of not knowing anything about their genetic family. What are your thoughts about this? (I research the internet constantly and I am not able to find much about this topic...)


I myself experienced that the best looking embryos which the doctor vouched that had high chance of pregnancy turned out not sticking at all.. And many stories of the not so good looking resulting in perfect baby. The doctors visually grade the embryos which do not take into account what's happening inside. Doctors don't know everything and we need to be our own advocates and ask questions, many questions..
When our 6 attempts failed and perfect embryos miscarried at 7 weeks, after spending 2 years driving 70 km one way to the clinic .. We gave up on own genetics and we were the one who told the doctor we don't want to try anymore with our own genetics and we want to try donated embryo. The doctor never mentioned it to us.. As we didn't reach yet standard 3 ivf tries.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Oh Pamela, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I hope the frozens turn out to be your miracle. I have heard countless stories of the ugliest, wonkiest embryos making perfect beautiful babies. keep us posted. we're rooting for you


I'm in the same boat. Took us 4 years to conceive & we now have our 3 month old baby boy. But I still kinda feel more connected to the 'infertile' crowd rather than the 'mommy' crowd. I hope with time I can let that go & transition. I'm not sure we ever really let it go.

Pamela Olson

Well, I thought I was finally on my way to being off the island. I was pregnant with twins from our first IVF transfer (third IVF -- our first two rounds didn't make it to transfer). Unfortunately I lost both of the twins at 5 1/2 weeks. We still have three embryos on ice, but we've already transferred the two "best-looking" ones.

I wish I at least knew if it was a genetic issue, a gamete quality issue, or a uterine issue. (I also dearly wish this was treated like a "normal" medical issue with a little help from insurance!)

We'll do another FET (or two) with the other three embryos (even though it means a long/stressful flight to Istanbul), but I'm not keen on trying IVF again after all the bad luck and the incredible expense. Donor embryos might well be in our future.

So THANK YOU for writing so candidly about it. I hadn't even really heard about it until I read your blog. And it's such a wonderful "adoption" option for some people for so many reasons. Traditional adoption can be amazing, of course, but it can also be unbelievably stressful, intrusive, and expensive. For very private people, without a whole lot of money to spend, it can be a wonderful gift.

We can't wait to meet our kids, one way or another.


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