How to be P after years of trying

Lately I've been getting emails from people who have been stranded on IF Island for years, letting me know that they are P. I love these emails-- as much as some of these ladies have been following my story, they've shared parts of theirs with me so I also follow theirs as well. A win is a win for the team! But one thing I noticed that was common in all these emails was this feeling of hesitancy. This feeling that they are P... for now...with that hanging, lingering fear that something bad might happen. They feel this way, as I often did, because something bad has happened before, and that's all they know. 

Now they are trying to learn how to be open and hopeful to this new possibility. Trying to believe that good things can happen. The cycle of infertility is exactly that, a cycle. It's active and there's a lot of motion until you're in the two week wait, but even then you're counting down the days. Finally being P after a long time of trying or trying with A.R.T. feels like suddenly you've come to a halt and...is this really happening? Do I seriously have 32 more WEEKS to go? And what am I supposed to DO? For so long I've been doing things, lots of things, to get P and now once I'm here I'm supposed to just...be? 

Yup. Just be. Worrying about things that happened in the past or obsessing about the what ifs of the future aren't going to help you connect to the tiny cluster of cells trying to become a human inside of you. But it's really hard to just be present sometimes, especially when you're haunted by past trauma. 

There is no magic solution, only recognizing the moments where you might have one foot in the past and one foot in the future so that you can work to get both feet grounded in the now. That's all any of us can do. Whether finally P or in any other stage of the game. 

And if you are newly P and in the LA area, there's an event worth checking out in Hollywood. Some of the proceeds will go to Baby Quest, an awesome non-profit that helps people with infertility pay for treatment:

Comments

[Cortney]

Yeah, I'm there. Really showing now at 22 weeks but for awhile was quite hesitant to tell anyone I was pregnant, and hesitant to talk about the future (like names, or nursery ideas). I'm actually a bit uncomfortable being out showing my belly because so many people will KNOW. And what was going on with me used to be so private, only the people I wanted to know would know. Strangely I have also missed the visits to my fertility clinic--I loved the nurses there! It feels a bit like getting married--you have all this attention leading up to being the bride, you feel so important with people checking on you and with you, then after the wedding, BAM, you're just married. Now I'm just pregnant. I'm being a bit silly as I still get a lot of attention by being pregnant but what i mean is I am agreeing with you about how all the timelines and schedules and waiting and appointments go away and you just have a long time to be pregnant.

[Valerie]

I am P with donor embryo. Third trimester now, and still feels surreal -- can this actually be happening this time? It will be about 3 years since starting by the time she comes. I get the catastrophic thoughts every day, but make myself move on. Hoping this constitutes mental health!! lol Thanks for blogging about this.

[Maryann]

Thanks for this! After heartbreaking years we are P with adopted embryo but I also developed hematoma. Trying to be positive but so very scared the same time. Praying each day for the happy ending and hematoma to resolve.

[C]

I reach 11 weeks tomorrow after embryo adoption and I still am prepared for the worst, basically watching for symptoms of miscarriage while I am at the same time hopeful and also in a state of disbelief. The toll of years of secondary infertility. So different from my first immediate and natural pregnancy. I sadly lost a twin a couple of weeks ago and that brought out the anxiety. All these years of cancelled or failed IVF, one failed adopted embryo transfer, bad news after bad news. Our first good news ever was this positive pregnancy test. Trying to have faith! Thanks for this