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December 09, 2015


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Thank you for continue writing even after you've become a mother. Your posts especially this one reminds me that there is hope and one day somehow someway it will be our turn too.


Thank you for your comments (everyone) :)

In South Africa there are no grants for fertility treatments, and its only something the wealthy can afford (all costs are paid by yourself).. for various reasons adopting through the government is not an option, and private adoption here costs about half of one cycle of IVF (which just isn't doable at this stage). To give you a relative idea, we've spent about half of what our entire home loan is - that we're paying off over 20yrs -so far. Regardless, the thought of starting from square one with a whole different difficult (ie adoption) thing is overwhelming.

I haven't seriously considered embroyo adoption to be honest. If it's financially doable maybe I'll be able to think about it when things are a little less raw. It helps to hear from people that get it, thank you


Maya, I am due April 25, 2016. Your blog made my darkest days brighter and thanks to it I learned about embryo donation - I am forever grateful. My heart always breaks and goes to those who suffer searching for their babies to come.
In this cruel world of infertility the support of this kind is God send. I felt so misunderstood and alone that only thanks to your blog and resolve website I was able to go through it.

Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks for sharing everyone. So sorry Ashley-- that feeling of coming up empty handed is so crappy and somehow this time of year makes things feel even crappier. Aneke-- I hear ya. I am very aware of how the cost of all this makes continuing not an option. My parents sold artwork for us to do our donor egg cycle and we were lucky enough to get a grant, but if we didn't have these things I don't know what we would have done. It's extremely unfair. You've inspired another post about the cost of it all, but for now I know one blogger/writer who is living child-free and has a very hopeful message, you might check her out: http://everupward.org/author/jlbf4/

Laura-- congrats! I wish you lots of joy and excitement in the year to come. Maryann-- thanks for supporting others out there...I forgot, when are you due?

Love to you all.


Aneke, we were in similar situation. Failed ivf, miscarriage and out of money. We then went to embryo donation. It is so much cheaper then ivf. We were also ready to adopt from children aid society, if embryo adoption wouldn't work out.
Your fertility clinic most likely have donated embryos.
Don't loose hope. I know it is better said then done but there is hope.


See but for some us there will be no resolution. As in the money has finally run out, and after two years of trying you just miscarried again on your very last hope. The choice to get back on that hamster wheel is taken out of your hands. Where do you go from there? Which isn't a fair question to ask, since happily you are not in that position, I realise. Is there any blog you could recommend? I can't find one who's been where we are, and it might help to hear how someone else coped.

I enjoy your voice and think you write with great sensitivity and understanding, thank you. There aren't many 'happy ending' blogs I can bear to read.


It is hard to believe that one day this will be true. After several failed IVF cycles we moved to egg donor and are now 7w4d P. It is hard to fathom and doesn't seem real AT ALL. Last year at this time, we had found out our last frozen embryo failed and just weren't in the mood for holidays. We can only hope that we will soon be looking back at IF island as just an awful stop we had to make.


Seriously what I needed to hear. We found out our first IVF cycle failed on Monday, and we had transferred our only two embryos. None to freeze. In two days, of the 28 eggs I had, only two became embryos. And the holidays are HARD. Difficult to endure happiness when all you can think about it is your sadness. But this helped. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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