Momo turned a year old yesterday.
A year.
It's been the shortest longest year of my life.
Sometimes, when I work with client's in my private practice (I'm a psychotherapist when I'm not covered in food and reading up on naps-- yup, still obsessed with naps), I do this timeline thing that I think helps put difficult times in perspective. We draw a line with birth on one end and present day on the other and start to fill in dots with important events (positive and negative). It helps to get a sense of life and things that might impact us and how we feel etc., but it also puts into perspective how a moment in time, even if that moment is a year or more, is really just a small section on this long line of events. If I did my own timeline, the dark infertility years would be a few dark circles on a longish line, with (hopefully) a decent amount of line to go. A timeline like this also makes you realize how fast it all happens, and is a reminder to enjoy every second of the good parts.
Momo just got her first dot. Well, I don't know. Maybe that's for her to decide later. But it was a significant dot/milestone for Noah and I. She can walk about 6 steps. She says dada all the time and mama when she's crying. A year ago yesterday she was stuck in my vag hole for four hours. The year before that she was a microscopic cell in a freezer and I was a ball of tears on a bed. And here she is on her birthday--nothing but wonder and joy and amazement.
And all I can do is think about the timeline of our life and our journey to her. This incredible little person that was patiently waiting for her turn to break into the world. She's a force man, a total wild spirit who wakes up each morning with a smile on her face that's ready to take on and explore everything.
The bad times feel like forever, but they won't be. The good times feel like a split second, so we have to savor. The journey to parenthood is often ugly, but at then end is a new beginning, and that's beautiful.
Sending love and luck to everyone still moving towards that new beginning.