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July 26, 2016

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Rachael

I started reading your blog when I was in the middle of the infertility horror and trying to make sense of what was going on. I still read it, primarily because the writing is good. I firmly believe you are providing a lot hope and encouragement for people in the trenches who desperately need it.

However, the narrative around infertility is all about never, ever giving up because eventually you'll get what you want. And while that can be motivating, the truth is there are some people who cannot have kids with a doctor's help. Even after multiple IVFs. Even after donor eggs or sperm. Sometimes you can try everything and it just doesn't work. Or you reach your limit financially, emotionally or physically for what you're willing to do.

I am childfree after infertility. I did not try everything. I simply reached my limit. And while I'm sad about it sometimes (and I don't expect this sadness to ever really go away completely), I recognize that the best thing for me was to stop trying and accept my life as is. It's not fair, and it sucks, but when faced with my choices, this is truly the best choice for me.

There needs to be space in the infertility narrative for people like me. People who don't end up with a baby, who feel sad about it and still go on to have a good life. Not having a baby after infertility isn't the end of the story.

Thank you for so much for this post.

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