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September 09, 2016


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Oh! I am so happy to find your blog! I am the mom of a beautiful 3 year old little boy who came to be our baby through embryo donation. I have the same concerns about explaining his journey in a way that normalizes it for him. I wish that I had the answers... We have been exceptionally lucky and I am newly pregnant with his genetic sibling. (Very newly pregnant and anxious with my first Quant HCG this morning of only 90 at 12 days post embryo transfer.) I look forward to reading your blog and more comments from readers. I do like the "baby seed" analogy. That is a good start. :)


I think you've done a great job at keeping it simple and age-appropriate. My daughter is almost 2, and I tell her about her conception story every couple of weeks. (I have a recording of my telling her, if you or anyone else is interested.) I explain that to make a baby you need three things: oocyte eggs (as opposed to "eating" eggs), sperm, and a uterus, I tell my daughter (almost 2) that Mama didn't have the oocyte eggs, so a kind lady shared some of hers. Then the doctors out her oocyte eggs in a special dish with Daddy's sperm, and then a dot baby grew. And after a few days, the doctor put the dot baby into Mama's uterus, which is a special place where a dot baby can become a big baby. And that's how Mama grew her. For good measure, I add that we don't share genes, but we share love, and that's what makes us a family.


This is so good! Especially the bit about how it's not that important to her even if it is to you. I would save the picture of the donor for the day when she asks if you have a picture. Probably won't happen for a very long time if ever but just in case. I tend to explain too much but I think I will be able to keep it simple for our child and save the explanations for if and when the questions come. Right now we are wondering about how to tell our daughter how I became pregnant with her little brother. I think it won't be too big of a deal because we all are so happy


I think what you said is perfect. I was thinking of saying something similar in the baby book. Something like "nice people gave seeds" and one of the seeds worked and became a baby--her. I like the seed metaphor because when she's older, and if she's curious about how it all worked, I can explain how in the garden you plant several seeds but not all of them become plants, that seeds are the possibility of plants, and she is the one amazing result of planting a bunch of seeds. At least I hope that if she has questions about all this, that can be a good explanation that is comprehensible and normalizing but also shows how amazing and unique it is that she came to be.

Also love the suggestion of a documentary--focused on say the 5-10 age group?


"Our fertility journey was a HUGE part of our lives for so long, so it has a lot of weight. But our journey and what we went through to have Momo means very little to her." SOO insightful. I have never thought about it that way, but I think it's very true- at least while kids are very young. I'm sure that whatever you tell her when you tell her will be graceful and loving.


This is all so helpful as I navigate the egg donor route. Thank you so much for all you do for this community!


I think "baby seed" might be an age-appropriate way to think of an embryo. You can say something like, "Most people who want a son or daughter make their own baby seeds that grow in a mother's belly, but we had a difficult time making our own, so some very nice people gave us a seed that grew into you. And it was definitely a good seed, because we think you are the most perfect baby in the world!"

It's a nice mix of growing and sharing without mentioning sperm ;)


How about making a documentary about it? Something she might watch when she's old enough and understand how much she was wanted? Seems to me the job is already done.

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