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November 21, 2016

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Maryann

Thank you so much Jojo! Sometimes in the times of the heartache and struggles all we need is to feel heard and validated! Wishing you much success in your battle. Wishing everyone struggling this Holiday Season much love, much needed support and hope.

Heather

The group sounds wonderful ~ I wish I lived there! I am grateful for this post, as I just found out today that I am officially not pregnant after our third embryo transfer. I kept hoping for a miracle - but not this time. Our plan is a small dinner with a couple we are close to and a weekend away together at a waterfront resort near the mountains. I have only told a few women who I trust, and they have been an amazing support. Before I found out, I had an overwhelming sense that everything will be okay. That and a relaxing weekend with my husband feels like the perfect antidote. Happy holidays to all of you ladies on IF Island and those of you that are our guides off of it.

Pamela O

So sorry for everyone who's had or having a tough time. I understand completely. Last year I had just had a miscarriage (the only result from three miserable rounds of IVF), and I was invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving. I had been hoping for one of those miracle pregnancies right after a miscarriage, but I got my next cycle that day. So I was cramping and bleeding and trying to smile while all the other women decided it was a good idea after dinner to share all their birth stories in great detail. (I, of course, had nothing to contribute, though I suppose I could have told them what a miscarriage was like.)

This year has been a bummer as well, with a failed FET of our last two own-egg embryos, leaving us in a pretty deep pit of despair. But we've picked ourselves up and looked at our options and are pretty stoked to be trying donor embryos in the new year. Finally we feel optimistic about something, and it feels really good. Now I see babies and feel excited instead of jealous. It's a big, big change from the past three years... And hopefully a good sign we're on the right path for us.

Mel. B.

I wish you were in Montreal, Quebec (Canada). My husband and I would
love to go to a infertility support group. I have looked for these type of groups here but haven't been successful. I think what you are doing...helping others get through the process of fertility treatment via your website and your counselling centre are excellent. :)

Jojo

That breaks my heart Maryann. Great job for getting through it. I have a really supportive and careful family and it can even be hard for me so I can only imagine how awful it is for those that don't. I also think taking care of yourself is so important. If you feel like family might not be supportive or could be full of triggers- maybe even 'coming down with the flu' and instead watching movies in bed and eating take out. I travel across the country to see my husband's family every other year and if it gets too hard I take a glass of wine to bed early and watch shows on my iPad. Self care is so important and if family doesn't understand it makes it that much harder. Wishing you all an easy and in some cases fleeting holiday. Xo

Maryann

Hi Maya! Very appropriate post during this time of the year! It is indeed family time and for those going through infertility, and/or treatments it can be the hardest time of the year. I remember oh too well, 2014 Christmas. It was 2 months right after I miscarried so much wanted baby, after millions of doctor appointments, monies and mountain of drugs. I forced myself and my hubby to attend family gatherings with small and newborn babies present. I remember the lack of emphaty and painful comments about lack of joy on my face and was even called bitter. Still when I write this it burns my heart. Knowing what I know today, I would have skipped the parties and try to heal in place where I could feel safe and wouldn't have to pretend. Maybe small get away with the hubby somewhere sunny, maybe just a day trip to the park or mountain place far away from reminders of infertility. Sometimes when I tried despite my pain do the right thing and be there with the family during Christmas I did it on my own expense. Sometimes coping with the heartbreak of infertility means focusing on own healing and pampering much wounded body and soul despite everyone's expectations.

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