Hello IF Island!

Hello!

Are we still saying happy new year? So I've been a little MIA because I'm struggling to figure out what to do with the blog moving forward. I've been blogging since 2013 and I so value and love this community. Writing and sharing really saved me and connected me to a group of people--warriors-- who helped me learn the real meaning of love and family. My writing was the coherent and sometimes not so coherent thread in the chaos that was my "journey to parenthood," and now I'm intent on helping others navigate theirs. Thats' what I do in my private therapy practice, and I love my work and feel so grateful that other people allow me to be a part of their process. 

I have the understanding of what living on IF Island is like and the gift of retrospect. I really say gift because while my time on the Island will always be a part of me, I can gladly admit that the farther I sail away the less raw it all becomes. Chasing Momo, now almost 22 months old, also makes the past less raw. There are days I look at her and can't believe I got so lucky. She was waiting for me in a freezer for four years-- I just had to find her. And everything we went through, the procedures, the "failures," the time, the money-- all of it led us to her. There are moments where I get choked up because I can't believe the path we took and the kid we got. And I always say I would do it all over again ten times if I knew I'd end up with her.

But that leads me back to the blog and my desire to write and share in a meaningful way. I'm not sure what that is going to look like just yet. I'm not in the thick of it anymore and I don't know how helpful my current words are. I've been thinking a lot about the book I wrote about our journey and am wondering if y'all might be willing to take a walk down memory lane with me as a try to edit and workshop ideas and once again try to find a coherent narrative. I haven't looked at it in almost two years. That excites me and scares me. But maybe this is just the place to share and get feedback and see if I can come up with something solid.

Who's with me? 

Comments

[Emily]

Maya, I have yet to comment on any of your posts, but I felt compelled after reading this most recent. I hope you keep writing! After being slapped with the dreaded DOR diagnosis and quickly ensuing POF (at age 27) within the past year, I found GREAT hope and strength in reading your blog posts. I'm certain there were many nights I would lie in bed until 1 a.m. reading your posts from the very beginning. I am grateful to hear your perspective on what will likely be a similar (and often times scary) journey for myself. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul out; you're truly making a difference in others' lives many, many states away! <3

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks everyone! I guess y'all are on board which is good. It will hold me accountable. Now I have to get myself together, find the time and brainpower and get moving!

And Pamela-- GOOD LUCK!! keep us posted. Fingers crossed as always.

[Louise]

I have been reading your blog for years--found it while going through my first donor-embryo transfer, at the same time you were going through yours. We had strangely similar pregnancies and births, and my daughter is a week older than Momo. Whenever I'd come over here, you seemed to be talking about whatever I was going through (we even went back to work the same week), and I always found it really helpful. So I really hope you keep writing, and would very much enjoy the working through your book.

[Tabitha]

I enjoy following your blog, appreciate your honesty and find inspiration in your journey. If you consider self publishing your book and need guidance, let me know. I've published lots of books in electronic and print format and happy to give back. It's the least I can do for giving me a place to turn to where I feel understood.

[Larry]

I, too, get hope and inspiration from your blog,Maya, and I'm a guy (who also happens to be your dad), so I hope you don't burn out. but continue to express your feelings so openly and honestly. I not only read what you write, but I also read all the comments, and I can see that others feel this way as well. Edit your book through the blog. Get constructive comments. And, always, keep hope alive.

[Heather]

Like others have shared, I look forward to your posts because it gives me hope of what is possible and it normalizes this very challenging experience. And, yes, I'm in!

[Jen]

As long as you are blogging I will still be reading! Maya, your writing has helped get me through some really tough times and for that I am so grateful. You've always managed to sum up so eloquently all of the thoughts and feelings I had but couldn't even begin to put into words. Thanks for helping take the silence and stigma out of ART and alternative ways of building a family. I think what you have been doing is really courageous. Best of luck whatever you decide going forward.

[Maryann]

I am with you all the way! Please do continue to share all the thoughts, experiences and feelings as they were and are truly life saver for people struggling with infertility! Just as an example of how incredible your story is and the impact it had on our life..the idea of donated embryos helped me find our dream baby. She was also in the freezer for 4 years until we found her through our clinic...only because I asked if they have any donated embryos... when I lost all hope after so many failures there was my dream baby! So greatful words can't describe!

[Pamela]

Also, to be clear, reading about people who struggled to conceive raising their kids doesn't make me feel jealous or sad. It gives me hope that one day I can be there, too. And I think parenting after fertility struggles is its own genre, really, because we are just different from other parents (well, I'm not a parent yet, but have hope I will be), so it's nice to hear from that perspective.

I just transferred two beautiful donor embryo blasts and got a positive, but the second beta number had a 90 hour doubling time. Waiting to check it a third time on Wednesday. Hoping maybe both embryos implanted but only one continued to develop, and that threw the numbers off. But who knows? It never seems to end... Until hopefully one day, it does.

[C]

I second Rachel's comment!

[Jojo]

I am with you wherever you want to go. I totally respect the need or luxury to sail away from the island (it is where we all hope to be headed) and I also feel grateful for any signals and notes you send our way :)

[Rachel]

I look forward to hearing from you whatever form it takes. I especially love to hear about how you work through the complicated emotions and attempt to normalize Momo's origins. I too will be raising a child from donated embryos if we are successful this time, and there's value in discussing the implications of having a child from donated embryos. Thank you for continuing to be a voice in this community for those of us still on the island!

[Pamela]

I'm always glad to read your writing, whatever form it takes.

[Elizabeth]

I still enjoy your blog! You have a wonderful story.

Are you still thinking of trying with your last frosty? I hadn't heard anything on that in awhile...