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March 08, 2017


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It is hard being a mom, it seems like anything that goes wrong with your child, from the embryonic stage through adulthood, could possibly be your fault - something you did or didn't do!


I'm with you Maya! I had my miracle baby 15 months ago and really need to get back into a healthy lifestyle.

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Pamela O

Regarding giving up sugar, it SUCKS for about ten days. The addiction is very real. Then, honest to God, sweet stuff just doesn't appeal as much anymore. You might pick up a Starbucks donut one day to be "bad" and then find it's just not that good. It's just another thing to put in your mouth, and not nearly as satisfying as an almond milk banana blackberry mango smoothie.

I got on a sugar kick after my last miscarriage (didn't even really enjoy the sugary stuff much, just did it to say "f*** you" to... the universe I guess, or to myself), so I was back to square one not long ago. It was much easier to kick it this time. Yeah, it sucked, but I knew approximately when the suck would expire.

Thanks for being you, wishing strength (which you already have) and an extra sprinkle of luck.

Pamela O

That's a great way to think of it -- some of us just have to work harder than others. Math comes easily to me. This doesn't. Those are just the breaks. Not everyone can be good at everything. It's not a judgment or a punishment. It just happens sometimes.

Here's to laboring toward our children in more ways than one and ending up joined forever to the perfect little beings whom we will never take for granted for a moment.


I too am focusing on regaining my health this year. Trying to focus on getting to a place that I recognize the person in the mirror again, both physically and emotionally. It's harder than I thought it would be to let go of 5 years of baggage, literally and figuratively! But, it is getting easier every day.


On March 17, am transferring one of two frozen embryos I've had sitting in a freezer since 2013. Those little frosties' sibling is currently a beautiful almost 2 1/2 year old and we're hopeful. I realized this was coming since last summer and worked to lose all my baby weight (mission accomplished) since that time ... I'm also trying to have a "let go and let God" mindset in terms of stressing over whether this works or not. Three years ago - I can't even believe that much time has passed - I was in the very early stages of pregnancy with my daughter and terrified of another loss. Embrace the person you are now and the change in your life since the last go-round and be committed to your health but not too hard ok yourself.


I found Jenny's comment really interesting. "I was desparately afraid that I would never recover." It's interesting, I felt the same way. There's something about infertility and DOR perhaps especially that makes one, or at least makes me, feel really, really old. I mean it comes at a time in your life when you are, indeed, becoming middle-aged, and when the doctors are telling you that one of your issues is just that you're trying to have kids later than we evolved to reproduce. So then you're out of shape and tired as heck if you do actually manage to get through the meds, the pregnancy, the birth, the toddler-wrangling. It is hard to feel like "health" isn't this magic elixir of youth that you're out of.

OK, that ended on a negative note. I'm really excited to see your transformation, and more so to hear some good news. I really like that telling people felt good. I was a big blabber about my infertility, and it felt good. I'm still pretty proud of myself for that. Not that you're being a blabber, but hopefully you get what I mean.


There are so many things in my life that your story offers some really valuable coping strategies. I have followed your blog for years. I am a survivor of the island and was extremely lucky to have twins following IVF. My son has cerebral palsy; he was diagnosed at 9 months old. Last summer, it became obvious that if I didn't recover from the PTSD of infertility as well as four surgeries in two years that I would have no energy left and no strength to carry my son (literally and figuratively). It gets better and it gets easier every day. I am now taking my first ever fitness class and my instructor commented on my "athletic ability" today. Haha! I have never considered myself an athlete of any sort. Sorry this is so long. What I want to say is that your health and energy are not gone and they will come back to you. I'm sure you know that, but I was desperately afraid that I would never recover. It looks different now. I feel stronger now. Sending strength and courage to you and your family. Thanks for your continuing inspiration.

Mel. B.

I know what you mean about self-blame. The only time I was ever pregnant was through IVF. I miscarried at 5 and half weeks. That happened in 2013. I still think about if I had done something different,
I would be a parent right now. Currently, my husband and I are on a waiting list for a donor embryo. I am still hopefully we can somehow become parents one day.


Please keep us along for the ride! I am inspired by your motivation and by how you push pain into action and change and inspiration. It is such a gift.

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