Where did this month go?

Hola.

Soooo....you know when you have one of those days/weeks/months where you feel like you don't have time to chew your food or wash the shampoo fully out of your hair so you're always a little hungry and you're scalp is a little itchy? Yes? No? Is it just me? It was kind of one of those weeks starting with Momo's birthday on the 20th, dipping into panic mode when I spilled water on my computer and it completely died, and ending with today/tomorrow, trying to pack and organize ourselves for our trip to Seattle.

I realized a few things this month:

1) It is virtually impossible to do a full on cleanse with a toddler. It just is. Left over Cheerios are shoved into my face before I can even remember I'm trying not to commit carbocide this month. BUT... I was better. I was a slightly more conscious eater and I did lose 3 lbs. I didn't eat a lot of crap and when I felt super desperate I had a handful (bag full?) of these dark chocolate chips and they hit the spot. I didn't do much dairy or bread and I realized I REALLY love dairy and bread. That said I feel a bit better and at least trying to be a mindful eater is a good start.

2) This isn't a quick race, it's kind of a marathon. Yeah, I needed to actually realize this, though I know it sounds kind of stupid. Clean eating, exercise and self-care need to be a way of life, not just packed into one month. Because what happens the next month? I kind of adopted the slow and steady wins the race mentality in that if I could do a 20 minute run (jog/shuffle), then great. It doesn't have to be a full on workout. I found myself frustrated with myself over the course of the month and then I just decided not to be. Part of self-care is being kind to yourself. I truly believe that. I often ask myself if I treated or talked to a friend the way I talked to/treated myself would I be my own friend? Probably not. So I did my best, which leads me to my third realization...

3) My best is good enough. All of our best is good enough. Sometimes we feel so much pressure to DO something. For me it's been to get my life together but what does that even mean? When do any of us ever feel like we have it together? For some people going through fertility treatments, people often feel like they aren't doing enough, researching enough, not doing more treatments etc.... each person has to honor what feels best for themselves and then we have to let go of the pressure or judgements etc and accept that we are doing our best and that's that.

4) Sleep is key. I didn't need to realize this. I know this. I lack this. This is a problem I don't know how to resolve it.

5) If we can move through life mindfully then we won't spill water on our computer. Nothing like a good expensive and stressful reminder that sometimes we all need to slow down. This is true for most people in a variety of life situations but in the fertility world it's extra hard because everything seems so pressing against the infamous biological clock. When you're life has been taken over by fertility treatments you just want that part to be over, so you want to go go go. At least I did. Noah made me slow down so we could catch our breath and make good decisions, and I appreciated that about him. Now, I try to remember that when I'm rushing around trying to do 50 things at once. I kind of feel like that a lot lately, like I'm doing a zillion things but nothing really well. But if I slow down and focus on one thing at a time it's incredible how my brain can lock into something and that is what being present feels like. I think. So I want to do more of that and less hanging out at the Apple store feeling like an idiot.

Anyway. That's what my month of "getting it together" has taught me, now it's about consistency implementing a few changes here and there so that I can start working towards feeling my best self.