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Hola!

We just got back from Seattle and had an incredible time showing the film as part of The Art of Infertility Exhibit at Seattle Center. It was really great to connect to the community out there and to be a part of spreading the word about infertility and shedding some light on the real life experience of it. That's part of our mission as well as normalizing the different ways a baby can be created. It was kind of a whirlwind weekend but what I came out with more than anything is that people going through this stuff need to talk about it and connect. Being quiet and feeling isolated is the alternative, and that can be painful. Maybe talking about it isn't for everyone, but finding an outlet, a source of support, a way to be creative and generative-- the heartache has to come out somehow and the pieces in this art exhibit illustrate just that. We were so grateful to be a part of it.

On another note, I ate like shit and drank so much coffee I thought my heart was going to explode on the flight back. Why can't I just find balance? Why do I have to overdo everything? Not sure. But I over did it, and now I'm slowly getting back to...normal, whatever normal looks like. 

Tomorrow I am going to a conference called SEEDS that deals with the ethical issues surrounding egg donation and surrogacy. I'm excited to learn more about this and am so interested in how different the laws are in different parts of the country-- there's a lot of interesting stuff. I always focus on the emotional or mental health implications of third party reproduction so it will be good to learn more. Anyway. Hopefully I'll come back with some new topics on the subject of third party reproduction. 

I guess I'm just checking in today and appreciating the community I have had here through this blog so much. I have to start figuring out the next steps toward the FET of Momo's embryo match-- what's the correct language here-- the second embryo in Momo's batch? The last embryo? I know I have to get blood tests and a sonohystogram and some other fun stuff and I don't really want to do any of it. But I will, because that's just what we do right?

We are hoping for an August transfer but I'm not totally sure. Feels like a lot of pressure on this one little embie so I want to make sure my body and mind are in the right place.  Maybe that's what the next month theme can be about-- getting your mind right for the last shot!

Comments

[Jojo]

I really look forward to the movie hopefully coming out. I get that sometimes there just is no definitive plan B and hopefully plan A is all you need. I am good. After ten failed IVF cycles and three losses , I am finally 'P' with a sibling for my 3 year old miracle ivf son. It is a donor egg baby and I am beyond grateful. What a f'ing ride and just want off the IF train as I know all of us do. I know people say 'never give up' etc etc but here we are 100k plus in debt and just exhausted from it all so I would never give that advice. We went into the pursuit for a sibling having decided that we would not stop until we found one. It was our personal need and not something I would recommend or wish on anyone. Xo

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Hi Rachel. I think we are close to finding distribution for the film so it can be available! It's almost as hard to get a film out into the world as it is to make a baby! We will keep everyone posted and thanks so much for the interest.

Deb-- First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the whole experience of it. I mean...ugh. And also thanks for connecting and commenting and sharing. it's helpful. I would love to write about all the things you mentioned above and might one day. Right now its my personal story that will likely be put together first-- then maybe down the line I can explore some of these things more. The conference i went to was interesting and the idea of is anyone really anonymous these days came up. A handful of good topics to write about for sure. Take care of yourself. M

Jojo!!! It's a lot of pressure and your question is a good one. What if the last shot doesn't work, right? I think I'll dedicate a fuller post to this but obviously we will need to regroup a bit and see how we feel but I might actually work more towards coming to terms with Momo being an only child. That's how I feel today and I reserve the right to change my mind, but each individual and couple has to sit with the choices ahead and do what feels right. We won't fully know that until we know what we are working with, but I know Noah doesn't want to move forward with something else so we will need to maybe just see where we land.A planB always helped us. This time might be different. Hope all is going well for you!

[Rachel Shoemaker]

Are you going to make your film available on youtube or to buy or anything? I would love to watch it but don't live on your side of the country.

[Deb]

I'm interested in hearing more about the legal side of these things too. Are you getting informed on this just for the blog? For your own family's interest? Or do you see yourself making a film or a book or both on third party reproduction (if that's the right terminology)? I could see you really making a contribution to the public discourse on this stuff. I mean, you already are via the blog, but I could see you publishing an important book that gets people thinking about the psychological, moral, ethical, practical etc. stuff involved. You'd be so much more eloquent about it than I'm managing to be.

So I commented with great empathy about your surprise pregnancy and mc a few weeks ago. I reacted very strongly to your situation, as many others who commented did. In my case I feel like my reaction was a premonition too, though, because... probably right when I was posting the same sort of scenario was in the works for me. Such a rush to get two strong, solid lines on the test, after years of infertility and intervention. Mine didn't stick around as long as yours did. I started bleeding right before the 6 week appointment. It felt like such a foregone conclusion. It wasn't my first time, and in fact went down exactly like every non-ART pregnancy has. It makes me wonder if the difference between my natural pgs and the one successful IVF one wasn't just the progesterone supplementation. I remember you wondered the same thing with this one... Anyway, that's all to say I empathize with you even more than I did last time I commented. And to everyone else reading: Even if you're super duper infertile and have mega-DOR like me, if you don't want to go through that roller coaster, either 1. find a doctor who will see you right away to make a natural P stick, or 2. use birth control. Don't assume, like we did, that there was no way we could conceive. In our case, we really can't handle another child, but it still really was a brain f%^ck to go through that. Ugh.

[Jojo]

Glad you had a great trip and are such a valuable voice in this community. I do worry a bit about the pressure this transfer has. Do you have another plan in place or other alternative choices if this isn't the next meant to be baby? I only bring this up because having been through 9+ transfer to have my miracle toddler and now miracle sibling (donor egg this time) I know how extra hard it is if one single transfer has all that pressure. Just my two cents. Xo