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May 05, 2017


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I think we want 2 because it's a nice, round number -- it replaces us, but doesn't add to the population on balance. I grew up with two siblings, so 3 kids seems like a "natural" number to me. But it also seems like a lot to keep up with.

In the end we'll be lucky to even have one, but I imagine even if we have twins via donor embryos, we might keep "trying naturally" after just to see what happens. If we don't have twins, well... I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But it seems like a nice thing to have a sibling.

Then again, I know a guy who's in college now whose parents tried for a decade to have kids after him, and finally when he was 12 they had twins. Then another one. Then another one. Then another one.

So this guy's whole teenagerhood was spent babysitting. In his frank moments, he kind of wishes he'd just stayed an only child! Her certainly got a lot of attention (as the only grandchild, too!) until the twins came along.

I'm sure it's all good either way. But I'm hoping for 2, too.


Nice post..


Also, I wanted to add that on this most recent try, I did kind of have a "let go and let God" mentality. That is, if it worked, we'd be thrilled; if it didn't, our daughter would have a beautiful life. Much like your attitude, Maya, about your Momo and that no matter what, she'll be OK.


I remember when we were lucky enough to get pregnant with our daughter (back in 2014) I told my husband that if we had one healthy child, I would be happy. And we were. We ARE happy. But about a year after she was born, when I had a full night's sleep back and was adjusting to motherhood, I started to get this nagging feeling about the other 2 embryos we had just waiting for us in a freezer in Maryland. I started feeling very strongly that I wanted my daughter to have a sibling to go through life's experiences with, as I was lucky enough to be one of four girls and have a very close relationship with my sisters. So I kinda told my husband (who is older than me, and was completely content with just one) that I thought I maybe wanted to try for the second. At first, he wasn't exactly on board - he loved our life with our baby girl and almost didn't want to mess with such a good thing - but eventually after a few months he ended up saying OK. Now, the last time I went through this rigmarole it took three times to work (1 failed transfer, a miscarriage and then we got P with our daughter). Plus, these embryos were day 6 and a little bit past their prime (close to day 7) so I wasn't convinced it would even work. Needless to say, we transferred on March 17 (luck of the Irish) and it took. I'm nearly 11 weeks P with my second baby - just like that. One try. I almost still can't believe it.
So ... what about the third one? Of course that's a question for another day. It's still there in the terrible event that something bad happens in my current pregnancy - we'll have another shot. But I'll be 36 in a few weeks - no spring chicken LOL - so I just feel fortunate to be in this position at all. That's my story. :)

Mel. B.

I think there is something rather magical about being an only child but I am not sure why I feel this way. I have a great relationship with my brother now but growing up we were always fighting! I would love to have a child but I have accepted (to a certain degree) that it may not be in the cards for my husband and I. We are currently on a waiting list for an embryo adoption. Either way, you and your family will be complete...as just the three of you or as a family of four. I wish you the best of luck.


Thanks for this thoughtful post. So much to consider. It really strikes me that wanting a child (first or second) can be subject to reasoned inquiry, but ultimately is about irrational or emotional desires.


I really hope the second embryo works and you have all your questions thus answered! Why not hope, why not believe with all your might it will work and not even worry about the what ifs. If it doesn't work you'll deal with that and decide what to do when the time comes

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