I'm sitting at the Santa Rosa, CA airport. It's a tiny place and I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake and thinking about life and time and how quickly years go by. I don't mean to sound nostalgic. But maybe I am. A good friend of mine got married this weekend and I flew up North (by myself, leaving Momo alone with Noah for the first time ever), and I officiated her wedding. Yes, per some non-denominational ministry on the internet, I am legit to officiate weddings-- and apparently bless water. My friend has been trying to find her soulmate for a very long time and turns out he was always there, a handsome farmer from her hometown whom she had a crush on 20 years ago while she was still in high school. Their story is sweet and seeing how happy she was yesterday was even sweeter. She's getting married a little later than she probably expected or anticipated and it made me think about time and time lines and how we have these socially constructed (and somewhat biologically constructed) developmental milestones we feel we need to hit. And when we don't hit them we beat ourselves up and often feel pissed. And the reality about life and how life happens is that many people, like children, hit milestones at different times. And I think it's important to both realize that that is ok and understand that if you're needing to push back family planning a bit, it's important to know your choices and know what's going on in your body. So it's on the one hand knowing that the social pressures or cultural norms or whatever you want to call it when people come up to you when you hit 27 or whatever and ask why you aren't married, or come up to you on your wedding day to tell you to start getting on the baby train--are just that, pressures. And they can be somewhat arbitrary. And on the other hand knowing you need to empower yourself and know what your life or family planning options are. I don't think I would have thought about any of these things if I haven't lived on IF Island for a good long while. When your train gets re-routed multiple times, it allows you the... opportunity...to think about things differently. Another unintended positive consequence of the whole thing I suppose.
It's very hard not to succumb to pressure or panic when you somehow feel you're falling behind. It's also hard to try and convince yourself you're ok and right where you're supposed to be. So perhaps it's about acceptance of where you and acknowledging the feelings and assessing the options and working towards moving forward in your life in the most graceful way you possibly can. This is not just about infertility but perhaps about anytime life throws you a curveball. All we can do is try our hardest to stay grounded and thoughtful and present and make the best decisions we can in any given moment.
Wishing everyone a very happy fourth!
The timelines in my head and put on me by my perceived societal pressure was some of the hardest parts of all this. It is tough to feel like you are getting lapped. Letting go of those finally was my biggest mental boost in this IF battle. Hope your weekend away was fabulous. Xo
Posted by: Jojo | July 05, 2017 at 06:58 AM