Back in the Game... I think

It's been a while since I've done fertility stuff. I'm not at all saying I've forgotten what it's like to be chained to a calendar that's decorated with multiple doctor appointments and injection/med schedules. And I haven't forgotten the anxiety of trying to make a plan, buy a plane ticket etc etc only to have to cancel because lining isn't thick enough or I broke through the birth control-- whatever that means. But...I've had some space from it all and it has been very very much in the back of my mind. Until today. I had a call with the doctor in Seattle. I really like her and am trying to gather whatever feelings of excitement I can, but talking to her reminded me about how...messy this all is. She said that with all the issues I had during pregnancy she wanted to think more about a better implantation. She wanted to consult with my doctors out here (which I very much appreciated). I realized I should probably go see my RE since he's monitoring me. The Seattle doc won't be in the office when we were hoping to do the FET--- ugh! It's all starting again. The figuring it all out, the logistics, the fears...the shots. I've had two D & C's since Momo was born-- should I do more intense tests on my uterus to make sure all looks good? If it doesn't, what are my choices anyway? The Seattle doc actually asked if I had thought about a surrogate. We don't have $100,000 laying around so I've got to saddle up and do this thing. A surrogate? Mentally I have to believe that everything that happened during my pregnancy with Momo was a fluke. It won't happen again, and to our credit, with everything that did go wrong we are both alive and healthy. So there's that. I was thinking what I might need emotionally to gear up and really I think the only thing I can grab and count on is the idea of being totally flexible. If I've learned anything it's to do everything in my power to feel confident and to roll with the punches. I'm going to now spend the remainder of Momo's nap digging through old medical records to see what I did before her transfer. I remember taking antibiotics but not totally sure for what. I did a spreadsheet of the cost of meds from different pharmacies--that are probably outdated. It was nice to have this section of my brain empty for a while (and I say empty because really, not much has filled the IF files in my brain except obsessing of how to try and sleep more). But I've got to turn it on again. Hoping for a Thanksgiving transfer but we didn't even get that far today.  To be continued.

Comments

[Lisa]

Check out Northridge Plaza Pharmacy for meds...I remember them being reasonably priced.

[Lisa]

I totally know what you are going through. We transferred our one and ONLY frozen embryo in August when our son was 17 months old. I too had to dig back in the long lost, locked up part of my brain to remember where I purchased meds from, what I could get from kaiser through insurance and what I had to purchase out of pocket from the fertility pharmacy...this was our first FET though and it was so much easier than a full IVF cycle (as I know you are well aware) - still felt strange to only have a couple appointments to check on lining before transfer...anyways, we did the transfer and then the waiting. I caved and did 2 HPTs though, even one the day before beta - all BFN, total BFN. So imagine my surprise while driving home from a tailgate (where I had a beer) to get the call that I was PG. Really? Well, here I am almost 11 weeks but still can't get too excited because going through infertility is hard, and you always think the worst! Anyways, praying all the genetic tests come out good (we didn't do any testing on our embryo), and that I can relax a bit. Praying and rooting for you Maya!!!

[Advanced Fertility Center of Texas]

To begin with, undegoing normal pregnancy is difficult enough, so much more in your situation. We wish you all the luck and success for your second preganancy! Having a child is a true blessing indeed.

We also have resources on infertility and fertility wellness. For those who would like to learn more, you may visit our resource center at this link: http://www.infertilityanswers.com

[Jojo]

Wishing you luck and peace when possible!

[Pamela O]

So exciting... and so much craziness. Gosh, I don't know how any of us get through all this. I'm so glad you have Momo to keep you company through this round! If this current pregnancy works out, I have a feeling it'll make the sibling round sting just a little less. But nothing can come close to taking the intensity out of it entirely. It's an inherently intense undertaking.

As far as meds, I assume you know about GoodRX? It's basically a miracle website. You type in the type of medication you need, and it produces a list of the places in your area that carries it along with prices and often huge discounts if you use their coupon -- often it's even cheaper than using insurance. And it's free. I saved hundreds and hundreds of dollars this way. It was like having a little army of gnomes working for me.

Wishing you so much luck and love!