Five things I forgot about the 2WW

So it's been a week since transfer and I have to say, this time around, time has gone fast. I guess it's really only a ten day wait, which isn't too bad. I've been busy, which is helpful, but then I have these moments where I remember how crazy making the two-week wait really is. It's been about four years since I've been here, and I've noticed a few things I forgot about this glorious moment in time:

1) I forgot how ineffective it is to repeatedly ask my husband if he thinks it worked. Yet I do it anyway. His answer never changes, duh, but I like to hear him say it. I like the confidence in his voice and the way his newly formed wrinkles around his eyes look stressed about having a second kid. That's true confidence. Now of course Noah's confidence doesn't mean anything in terms of actual success, but I think I'll keep asking, obsessively, at all times of the day and night for the next two days just to hear him say it. 

2) I forgot how itchy progesterone shots make my butt. My bottom is already red and lumpy and sore and I think part of the reason is because Noah has kind of lost his touch with the shots. Not totally hit fault, we are always in a rush. But he harpoons me. Not always. But often enough so that I already look like I sat on a beehive. I remembered how red and lumpy things got last time (though I thought it was much later in the process), but what I neglected to remember was how itchy I get. I assume others do too? I opened a drawer in the kitchen a few days ago and saw a plastic fork and my eyes lit up. Yessss.... that's exactly what I need to scratch my booty. And as I was standing in the kitchen scratching my butt with a plastic fork, I remembered I had this tool before. And I used to scream "fork me!" for Noah to find my fork. And it was a life saver. So glad to have found you again old friend! Occasionally Momo asks to help. "Mama, can I scratch your booty with the fork?" Yes child. Yes, please scratch my booty with a fork. Then we go and play fairies. 

3) I forgot how easy it is to panic if you think you've made a wrong move. Like if you've eaten something you shouldn't have or if you dash across the street and suddenly feel a little cramp. I honestly have moments when I forget this little thing is (hopefully) inside me (that's how distracted I am!) and I'll lift Momo or roll around with her and then feel a flush of hot fear come over me that maybe I messed something up in my belly. I have to remind myself that this microscopic cell is now deeply nuzzled into the muscles of my insides, and that there's a nice lil' layer of fat around my waist as extra protection. Everything will be ok. 

4) I forgot how peeing becomes a serious decision. Well, not just to pee, but whether or not to do a pee test the morning of the beta. I did with Momo and that's when I got that traumatically faint line. I didn't times before. This time I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should test or not. Noah says no, I'm leaning towards yes but I'll let it be a game time decision. Ah the big decisions in life.

5) I forgot how much we want this. I mean, I never forgot truly, but I've come to terms with whatever the outcome and my mantra has been "whatever it is it is."  I'm not stressed about it. I don't feel like my life is depending on this working the way I did with Momo, because we were so broken it honestly felt like we just couldn't feel any more broken. But I want this little thing to stay and work and grow and be a healthy baby and complete our family and be a sibling for Momo and several more crows feet for Noah. Just a few more days until we find out.

Sending lots of love to anyone in the 2ww right now. Wish I should raise a glass and cheers to itchy booties!

Comments

[Don't Count Your Eggs]

Thanks so much for the love ladies. Tanya-- my heart goes out to you. Wishing you so much luck in April. Good luck Jessica! Thanks for following. Hope the appointment goes well. Jen....I wish I could do the 2ww at your house, it sounds delicious. ;)

[Tanya]

Good Luck Maya! I’ve been following your blog and I’ve laughed and cried with you. I relate on too many levels.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for the last 9 years. I’ve been pregnant many times and lost the pregnancies. Last year we went with donor eggs and were able to create 5 embryos. Our first transfer was a bust but our second transfer was positive. That positive was miraculous because one embryo turned into two. Sadly, we lost those pregnancies around Thanksgiving Day.

So we are waiting for our next transfer which is scheduled for April 20th, my natal birthday. It will be my 48th birthday, a number I am not thrilled with. I do have to say though, this will be my most treasured gift yet.

I am sending so many happy hopeful thoughts to you. Thank you again for sharing your blog with us. Some days, I have felt so alone and really didn’t think there was another person who could relate to me on IF island. I’m so glad that I am not alone.

[Jessica]

Hey Maya! Oh boy over the last 72 I have been obsessed. Mt husband and I have watched OMS and I have followed yours and Noahs story on every social media platform. As it is so similar to mine and my husbands short novel of infetility . I am so eager to hear how this round goes for you two. We start our RE/Fertility specialist appointment Monday, the 19th so I will be closely watching your blog to help pass the time and help get us through. All my love!

[Jen]

Urgh, the two week wait, I remember it well. Whilst in my post-IVF 2WW, I decided that I would buy lots of expensive food from the supermarket and cook the most extravagant evening meals. Scallops, roast duck etc etc. It got me through.

Your fork paragraph is hilarious!

Sending you lots of good luck vibes.